


The Incorrect Quotes Of RWBY

by brxkenarrxws



Category: RWBY
Genre: And Lots of It, Crack, Fluff, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:55:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23255779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brxkenarrxws/pseuds/brxkenarrxws
Summary: Arrow: What if I made an Ao3 story with the incorrect quotes I found?Robyn, materializing out of thin air: Do it.Arrow: ...Robyn: FUCKING DO ITArrow: OKAY-I'm serious that's how it went (or how it went in my head lmao)
Relationships: Robyn Hill/Fiona Thyme, Robyn Hill/Winter Schnee
Comments: 13
Kudos: 46





	1. Happy Huntresses Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> incorrecthappyhuntresses on Tumblr
> 
> mygodshesacactus on Tumblr
> 
> I CREDIT SHIT OKAY-

Robyn: Where's Joanna?

Fiona: May's watching her.

May: I thought you were watching her.

TV News Report: This just in, a giant woman is in front of a Maceral’s children’s restaurant demanding they provide playspaces for adults

* * *

Fiona: I-I'm...

Robyn: It's okay. Tell me.

Fiona: I'm gay.

Robyn: How could you keep this from me for so long?!!! You’re my girlfriend! You’re supposed to tell me everything!

May: DO YOU GUYS HEAR YOURSELVES? WHEN YOU SPEAK, DO YOU GUYS HEAR YOURSELVES?!

* * *

Robyn: Where’s the yogurt? I thought you went to the store?

Fiona: *mumbles*

Robyn: What?

Fiona: I couldn’t reach it, it was on the top shelf!

* * *

Fiona: May made me call her relatives and tell them she was dead!

[flashback]

May: Is she crying?

Fiona: A little.

May: [grabs the phone] YOU SHOULD BE WEEPING, YOU STONE COLD BITCH! [hangs up] Now call my other grandma.

* * *

Joanna: What?! I am not a crybaby.

Robyn: ‘Toy Story 3′?

Joanna: They were holding hands in a furnace, Robyn!

* * *

The poor Happy Huntresses in v8 are just gonna be…they’re basically gonna be Timon. They’re gonna be pure 100% Timon in the entire second half of Lion King.

[May voice] What’s going on here? _Who’s the whale?!_

Fiona, gesturing between the giant whale and Oscar: Let me get this straight. You know her. She knows you. But she wants to eat Atlas. And everybody’s… _.okay_ with this? [beat] DID I MISS SOMETHING–!

* * *

Joanna: Have you proposed to Fiona yet?

Robyn: Technically, no, but in my head, we have three kids and a farm.

* * *

May: *taps table*

Robyn: *taps back*

Joanna: What the hell are they doing?

Fiona: Morse code.

Robyn: *aggressively taps table*

May: *slamming her hand on the table* YOU BITCH TAKE THAT BACK!

* * *

Robyn: ‘Start a rebellion group’ I said. 'It’ll be fun’ I said.

Joanna, from the kitchen: PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!

May: IT’S TOO BIG TO SMOTHER!! GET THE ANTI-FLAMETHROWER!

Fiona: It’s called a fire extinguisher. FIRE. EXTINGUISHER.

[Glass shatters. Fiona screams]

Robyn: Don’t start a rebellion group. Don’t.

* * *

Fiona: what are we gonna do?

Joanna: I dont know, maybe pizza?

Fiona:

May: About Robyn missing, Joanna.

* * *

Joanna to Robyn when they first met: so what’s with the bow and arrow thing?

Robyn: IT’S A CROSSBOW I’M NOT TWELVE!

Joanna: I like her she has rage issues.

Robyn: I Do Not Have Rage Issues!

* * *

May: Robyn can you pick me up?? I’m at a party and there’s someone funnier than me.

* * *

Joanna: [climbs into bed with Robyn]

Joanna: [whispers] Pssssttt… Do you want pancakes?

Robyn: [asleep]

Joanna: [shaking her shoulder] Robyn… wake up.

Robyn: Wha- Ugh it’s three o’clock in the morning. What is it?

Joanna: Do you want IHOP?

Robyn: [glaring angrily] Maybe…

* * *

Fiona: I don’t normally download films illegally, because I’m an honest, hardworking person.

May: And because she doesn’t know how.

* * *

Joanna: Hey guys, what’s the name of that app where you swipe to find monsters in your area?

Fiona: Pokemon Go?

Robyn and May at the same time: Tinder?

* * *

Fiona: This is a disaster! The printer messed up the invitation! It’s supposed to say “May’s birthday”!

Robyn: What does it say?

Fiona: “May’s bi”

Joanna: Still works.

* * *

Joanna: OW! My armkle!

Robyn: What???

May:…She means her wrist.

* * *

Fiona: There was a bunny at the store today eating all of the flowers.

Robyn: Haha you go lil bun, fight the power!

May: Live the dream, small friend!

Joanna: A criminal.

* * *

Fiona: May, how did you figure out that you were trans?

May: There was no figuring it out, J.K. Rowling found me in the middle of the night, told me that I had been all along, then mysteriously disappeared.

* * *

Henry: I take very good care of myself. I treat my body like a temple.

May: Yeah, open to everyone, day or night.

* * *

Robyn: What are the hardest things to say?

Joanna: I was wrong.

Fiona: I need help.

May: Worcestershire sauce.


	2. Happy Huntresses Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robyn: Anotha one?
> 
> Arrow: ...
> 
> Arrow: Anotha one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> incorrecthappyhuntresses on Tumblr  
> rwbyquotable on Tumblr

Fiona: I laugh in the face of danger!

Robyn: You cried for 45 minutes when that pipsqueak and her friends left so I had to buy you ice cream to calm you down.

Fiona: …That was ages ago!

Robyn: That was 10 minutes ago.

* * *

May: *After someone insults any of the other happy huntresses* I am offended, I am angry, I am very tired. So I’m gonna take a nap but when I wake up, oh! You are in for it!

*Four hours later*

May: How DARE you!

* * *

Robyn: *unbuttoning shirt*

Robyn: It’s really hot in here.

Fiona: Yes, I know, but why are you unbuttoning MY shirt?

* * *

Joanna: Look, it doesn’t have to be a big deal. Whoever took my slice of pie, come forward and all will be forgiven.

The rest of the happy huntresses: …

Joanna: Smart. You knew I would never forgive you.

* * *

alexkablob on Tumblr:

I feel so bad for Joanna and May and Fiona because like. They have _no idea_ what’s going on.

From their PoV all of a sudden the evacuation stopped for no apparent reason, arrest warrants went out for all of those kids who have been tagging along with the AceOps, Robyn won’t answer her scroll, and then a whale showed up.

And then they find this weird kid talking to himself who’s like “yeah Ironwood shot me off a cliff because I tried to stop him from yeeting Atlas into space also that’s my ex-wife riding the whale up there and she’s gonna kill us”

* * *

Joanna: Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals. We would be planting so many trees and we’d probably save the planet too.

Robyn: Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breathe.

* * *

May: What’s your favourite colour?

Joanna: Stop asking stupid questions. Ask me something logical and mature.

May: How many moles of sodium bicarbonate are needed to neutralize 0.8ml of sulfuric acid at STP?

Joanna: My favourite colour is green.

* * *

Fiona: i’m going on a date with Robyn, how do i look?

May: With your eyes

Fiona: this is not the time for your bullshit

* * *

Robyn: Why is the fridge full of Girl Scout cookies?

May: You told me to go grocery shopping.

* * *

May: ice is actually water having a boner.

Literally everyone else, crying: please shut the fuck up.

* * *

May: Guys I’m having a serious dilemma. Do I wear my gay boy boots or my wheelie heels?

Robyn, from across the room: Wear crocs!

* * *

Joanna: Just tried watermelon on pizza. Honestly? It was pretty good.

May: That’s her, officer, that’s the one right there, take the shot before she gets away.

Marrow: …

* * *

Fiona: Robyn, can i speak to you for a minute?

Robyn: oooooo someone’s iN TROUBLE

Fiona:

Robyn: it’s me. i don’t know why i did that…

* * *

May: good alternative to recycling: when you’re done with a glass bottle just eat it!

Fiona: what?

May: eat the bottle.

Fiona: May, do not eat any bottles!

* * *

Robyn: hello who are you?

Ilia: I’m Ilia Amitola. I’m from Mantle but I went to school in Atlas to fuck with the racists and then punched all their teeth in when they laughed at my parents' death.

Robyn:…

Ilia: I’m also a lesbian.

*later at the Happy Huntresses hideout*

Robyn, holding Ilia out in front of her: We have a child now

* * *

Tyrian: whats your favorite scary movie?

Robyn: cloudy with a chance of meatballs

Tyrian: what? That movie wasnt scary.

Robyn: it was raining carbs

* * *

Qrow: I have spent my entire time here being nothing but nice to you people!

Joanna: You’ve been here for two days!

* * *

[Texting]

Fiona: I wanna run mt fingers through your hair

Fiona: I wanna be with you

Fiona: I miss you

Robyn: Mt fingers

Robyn: Mountain made entirely out of fingers

Fiona: ok

Fiona: listen

* * *

Robyn: If I could do it all again I’d be a horse.

May: Do you think we’d still be friends?

Robyn: I think we’d find our way to each other eventually.

May: I’d be a dolphin, though.

Robyn: Oh, right.

* * *

Fiona: treat spiders the way you want to be treated!

May: *finger guns* killed without hesitation~

* * *

Marrow: So who’s the scariest Happy Huntress?

May: Fiona.

Marrow: What? Come on, be serious.

May: Hey Fiona! What have you got on you right now?

Fiona: My staff, a lockpicking set, two guns, three daggers, a truck, half a bomb, a hacker scroll, the other half of the bomb, condoms, twelve novels, a spare truck, half an Atlas Knight, Joanna’s staff I stole for a prank, a religious text, two porn mags, the other half of the Atlas Knight, a second Atlas Knight, a spider droid, seven swords, Robyn’s favorite blanket, sunglasses, moonglasses, starglasses, reading glasses, ordinary glasses, drinking glasses, twelve bottles of wine, two loaves of bread, five fish, and a whole tray of fresh chocolate chip cookies, you want one?

May, giving Marrow a serious look: Sure. We’ll take some cookies.

* * *

Joanna: can you recommend a book that made you cry?

May: general mathematics 6th edition.

* * *

Fiona: Robyn!

Robyn: what?

Fiona: I made this friendship bracelet for you!

Robyn: Y'know, I’m not really a jewelry person

Fiona: oh well, you don’t have to wear it-

Robyn: no, I’m gonna wear it forever, back off

* * *

May: can you pass me the pepper?

Fiona: what’s the magic word~

May: …

May: *begins chanting in latin*

Fiona, panicking: JUST TAKE IT OH MY GOD–

* * *

Fiona: I always felt like I never reached my dreams

Joanna: is it cuz you’re so short?

Fiona:

Fiona: *punches Joanna in the gut*

* * *

Robyn, after dinner with the happy huntresses: okay, everyone put away your leftovers!

Fiona and Joanna, who only ate half their plate: okay!

May, knowing she ate everything: the what now

* * *

May: uh oh! Look who’s under the mistletoe!

Raccoon that she backed into the corner of the garage, standing under mistletoe: RREEEEEEEHHH-

(Mid-story side note: Arrow snorted at this one)

* * *

May: Out of all my family members, I like Henry the best.

Joanna: You pelted him with jugs of rotten milk and called him a grody layabout whose portrait was used by vain assholes everywhere to wipe their rears.

May: Yep. That should tell you something about my family.

* * *

Joanna: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?

Marrow: I’M A KNIFE!

May: He’s the little spoon.

* * *

Joanna: Ace of spades!

Robyn: Pick up four! *throws down uno card*

Fiona: Pikachu, I choose you!

May: WHAT THE HELL ARE WE PLAYING!?

* * *

May: My demons are chasing me and they’re doing the Naruto run.

* * *

Robyn and Winter: *gazing into each other's eyes lovingly*

May: *opens a can of soda*

Robyn: We’re having a moment

May: And I’m having a soda.

* * *

May: finally, I got over my fear of ghosts

Robyn: that’s the spirit

May: OH SHIT WHERE-

* * *

Cinder: *holding Robyn hostage*

Fiona: Look, just please don’t kill her.

Cinder: I won’t as long as you give me what I want.

Fiona: I wasn’t talking to you.

Robyn: *smirks*

* * *

Robyn: *carrying a lot of groceries in both hands*

Fiona: *reaches out to take a bag*

Robyn: *switches all the bags to one hand and holds Fiona’s hand with the other*

Fiona: that’s not what i- okay

* * *

Fiona: Can’t you guys try to see this from my point of view!?

Robyn: {Squats}

May: {Pulls up a chair}

Joanna: {Sits on floor}

Fiona: I hate all of you.

* * *

Robyn: Okay, so we’re looking for more people to join our group of gays. Remember, we’re looking for gays and gays exclusively.

May: *seeing Blake and Yang* Them.

Fiona: Hmm I don’t know, they look-

Joanna: No. Them.

* * *

Joanna: Are you okay?

Robyn, planted face down: I’m having me time.

* * *

Fiona: Okay, let’s stop using the term “butthurt”, we’re not twelve anymore.

May: You sound asstroubled.

Robyn: A little bootybothered if you ask me.

Joanna: Someone’s having a tushytantrum.

* * *

Robyn: Did you know that Weiss got impaled?

Winter: No

Winter: WAIT A MINUTE

_**Winter slams the door open** _

Winter: QROW YOU'RE ON THIN FUCKING ICE

* * *

Robyn: I don't believe in love at first sight.

Winter: *angry noises at Jacques Schnee*

Robyn: Damn that's kinda hot

* * *

Jacques: Who gave you the right to flirt with my daughter, Miss Robyn Hill?

Winter: Who gave you the right to call me your daughter?

Ironwood: *chokes on his water*

* * *

Robyn: If you were to marry anybody who would that be?

Winter: my job.

* * *

Jacques: h-

Weiss: you're under arrest!

Winter: you're going to SHUT YOUR MOUTH

Robyn: *throws a chair against a wall*

* * *

Robyn: I'm a moderate, peaceful woman, truth be told.

Joanna: Just yesterday you threw a chair at Jacques Schnee.

Robyn: Yes, which was a moderate, peaceful compromise to the table I was going to throw at him.

* * *

Fiona: Have you thought this through?

Robyn: Well, no...

Robyn: but as the president-elect, I must appear as if I had!

* * *

Robyn: They hurt us, we hurt them back.

May: Tonight, we get those motherfuckers!

Fiona: *gesturing to the young kids* May! Go put a quarter in the swear jar!

May: sorry

* * *

Robyn: WHY WOULD YOU PUT AN EGG IN THE MICROWAVE??

May: To see it explode??

* * *

May: Benefits of dating me.

May: One, you will be dating me.

May: I could go on but I think I've made my point.

* * *

May: Fist me.

Robyn: What the hell?

May: *holds out hand for a fist bump*

Robyn: ...I can't stand you sometimes.

* * *


End file.
